In Vain

Maybe I need to start watching what words I use in front of the kids.

(After the train has fallen down for the 5th time)

Paxton: Jesus, I can't believe this.

Lyndee: We have Jesus at my school.

Tragedy

On the way to TJ Maxx...

Paxton: Will they have toys there?

Mommy: Probably, and we can look at them, but that doesn't mean we get one, right?

Paxton: Right.

Mommy: And if we don't get one, we aren't going to throw a tantrum, right?

Paxton: Right...Can we make a sad face?

A Life Lesson

On the way to preschool everyday, we pass a cemetery. Of course the kids have asked their questions about it but one day Daddy took them to check it out. A few days later I was talking to the boys and we talked about cemetery "manners".

Yesterday while all 4 of us were in the car, Paxton and I were going over the manners with Daddy and Paxton decided to make one of his own...

Mommy: Paxton, Did you tell Daddy how you are supposed to act in a cemetery?

Paxton: Yes, we're supposed to be quiet and not silly.

Mommy: And we're supposed to be respectful, right?

Paxton: And never, ever pretend that it's a maze.

Paxton's Turkey Recipe

I love preschool. This year Paxton's preschool class aske deach child a series of ten questions about Thanksgiving dinner. Here are Paxton's answers:

1. Where do you get your turkey?
   Frozen from the grocery store.
   
2. How big is it?
   100 inches tall
   
3. How much did it cost?
   $300
   
4. What do you do with it when you bring it home?
   Cooked it in the microwave
   
5. How do you cook it?
   Cut it in half
   
6. Do you put anything on your turkey?
   Peanut butter on top
   
7. What do you put inside your turkey?
   Nothing inside, maybe bananas
   
8. How hot is the oven?
   200 degrees
   
9. How long do you cook dinner for?
   300 hours
   
10. When it is done cooking, what do you do with it?
    I delivered it to my family
    

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Tracy is Going to LOVE This

Gackie is putting on her coat getting ready to leave after a long day of babysitting.

Benjamin: Is Gackie your Mommy?

Joshua: Yup.

Benjamin: Why is she Gackie?

Joshua: Every Mommy eventually becomes a Gackie. Pretty soon, your Mommy's name is going to be Gackie.

Going to stash an extra pillow by the couch now...

Joshua

One Week Since Halloween

Benjamin and Paxton were already awake and downstairs playing when I came down this morning. On the couch were a few pieces of colored tin foil -- the tell-tale remains of a Hershey's Kiss.

Benjamin: (smiling) I ate candy.

Paxton: GOOD JOB TELLING THE TRUTH, BEN!!

(I don't think Ben knew he was confessing.)

-Joshua

With Age Comes Wisdom

Paxton: I think now that I'm 5, I need to start listening to the rules.

Sign of the Times

On the way home from school, Paxton and I discuss his day...

Mommy: Paxton what letter are you talking about at school?

Paxton: F

Mommy: Can you tell me some words that start with F?

Paxton: Food, Flag, Frog, Fun, Fish...

We continue like this for the whole drive home until...

Paxton: Ooh Mommy I got one...Facebook

Home Schooling

Tracy and I are discussing schools for Paxton...

Tracy: I just want to make sure he gets a good start on a good education so he gets lots of opportunities.

Joshua: My philosophy is that it's less important which Kindergarten he goes to and more important that we work with him at home to instill a focus on being a good student.

Tracy: You know, Lyndee (who is Benjamin's age) can already spell her name. All our focus has been on Paxton. We haven't done anything with Benjamin yet.

Joshua: That's not true. Benjamin is a genius. Benjamin! Come here!

Benjamin comes waddling up from the next room.

Joshua: Ben, how do you spell your name?

Ben: B... O... X...

Joshua: VERY GOOD! I LOVE MY SON, BOX!

Charter school it is!

I Was Framed

I woke up the other morning to Paxton walking in with pen marks all over his stomach.

Mommy: Paxton how did you get pen all over you?

Paxton: Benjamin did it.

Mommy: He did?

Paxton: No Mommy, I'm sorry. I did it.

Mommy: That's ok Paxton, I'm not mad. I just wondered how it happened.

Paxton: It happened when Benjamin and I were looking at Daddy's book.

Now the book Paxton is referring to is a book that I bought for Josh for Father's Day that was written by his good friend Arie:


I strongly encourage all of you to buy it. :) Anyway it being about comic books, the boys love looking at the pictures and have been told numerous times to leave it alone. This book, plus my boys, plus a pen, can't be a good thing...

Mommy: Paxton did you write in Daddy's book?

Paxton: No, Mommy.

Mommy: Paxton, I'm going to look at it, so if you wrote in it you need to tell me.

Paxton: No Mommy...But could you look at it tomorrow?

Amused by his answer, but still trying to be stern I go to check out the book. The boys had scribbled on the first two blank pages. I flip through the book and find nothing else until the last two pages, at which point I can not be mad at all...

Let's Make a Deal

After dinner I offered Paxton and Benjamin popsicles. Benjamin took me up on the offer, but Paxton declined, stating that he would rather play Plants vs Zombies. Later this evening after bath, teeth-brushing, stories, and lights out, Paxton asked for his popsicle. I told him no, and he proceeded to throw an incredible tantrum. After about 5-7 minutes of several bouts of crying Paxton decides its time to bargain...

Paxton: Mommy, I'll make you a deal. If you let me have a popsicle, I'll go home with you tomorrow.

Taxonomy

(Paxton is drawing in a "How to Train Your Dragon" coloring book.)

Paxton: This dragon has a big tail. Daddy, where is my tail?

Joshua: You and I don't have a tail, Paxton.

Paxton: Why not?

Joshua: People just don't have tails. Monkeys have tails.

Paxton: And lions?

Joshua: Yup. And cats and dogs. But people don't have tails.

Paxton: Why not?

Joshua: That's just the way God made us.

Paxton: Yeah. Because we ALREADY have something else to poop out of.

One for the Gan Teachers

On Fridays, Paxton and Benjamin stay home with Gackie while Josh and I go to work and Josh goes to the gym after...

Benjamin: You at work today Mommy?

Mommy: Yes Ben. Were you at work today?

Benjamin: (smiling) No. (To Daddy) You weren't here either Daddy.

Mommy: Where was Daddy, Ben?

Benjamin: He was at the mini-gym.

And They Call It Bella Notte

Paxton and Ben have recently become huge fans of the cartoon Animaniacs. While walking to dinner after finishing an episode where a Godfather character eats a strand of spaghetti with Dot ala Lady & the Tramp, Paxton gave me this recap...

Paxton: (Still laughing as he walks away from the TV) They were eating spaghetti and kissed eachother. And they're not married.

Not a Chance

On the 18 1/2 hour drive home from Alabama this past Saturday, Paxton had this to stay after hour 11...

Paxton: I like long drives. Can we move to a new house so we can have a longer drive to school?

Medical Treatment

After a fight where Benjamin has thrown a train at Paxton, Benjamin sat in time out until he calmed down and then went to apologize and play with Paxton.

Benjamin: I'm sorry Paxton.

Paxton: Benjamin, can you please go back in the other room? I need to concentrate on making my foot feel better.

Anatomy Lesson

While at lunch today Benjamin and I were coloring with the crayons graciously provided by On the Border...

Benjamin: Draw a picture of Mommy.

Mommy: Okay Benjamin. (Mommy begins to draw an incredibly accurate stick figure)

Benjamin: I draw your pinga mommy.

Mommy: No Benjamin, mommy doesn't have a pinga.

Benjamin: No, I draw your pinga.

Paxton: (Exasperated) No Benjamin. Don't draw mommy's pinga. You have to draw her yoni.

Who's the Baby in the Family?

Many of you know that we've been very excited about a new baby on Josh's side of the family. His cousin Erin and her husband Alex welcomed a beautiful baby boy at the end of April. Little Jack.

I have been very anxious to meet this little guy, and as many of you know I like to get handsy with babies. They're just so little!

Anyway, we finally met Little Jack this past Sunday for Mother's Day. After cuddling with him some and giving him as much attention as I could (which wasn't much considering he slept most of the time which I am convinced was just to spite me) it was time to say goodbye.

While I was holding Jack...

Benjamin: Don't bring him home, mommy.

Pixar Meets Quentin Tarantino

Transcript: Toy Story 6 is very funny cuz there's wild kids and they're eating the whole entire body and her mom...and his mom is destroying the whole entire world, even herself.

Finders Keepers

(while discussing with Gackie what to do if Paxton ever becomes lost)

Gackie: Paxton, if you ever can't find Mommy or Daddy, you have to go find a policeman.

Joshua: Actually, our pediatrician told us not to tell Paxton that. Kids his age can't tell the difference between a police uniform and a UPS driver's uniform.

Gackie: Oh.

Joshua: Paxton, if you ever can't find me or Mommy, who do you go to talk to?

Paxton: A lady with another baby.

Joshua: That's right.

Gackie: That's good.

Paxton: ... and then you get new parents.

Literally

I love it when other people share their Paxton stories...

From Shanna, Paxton's teacher:

Some days my job makes me laugh: overheard at lunch...the kids are talking about teddy grahams.

Kid #1: Is there soy in those?
Kid #2: No - just teddy.

The conversation was between Paxton and Morgan. Paxton is kid #2 and he was dead serious.

The Sound of Silence

The other evening we had some friends over and while digging everything out of the toy box so he can show his friends, Paxton ran across his hearing protection ear muffs which look something like this:

Of course they're rather large for his head, but he loves them especially when going through a car wash, Daddy's mowing the lawn, or around fireworks.

Now with the exposition out of the way here's the scene...Josh is standing outside the bathroom. Hearing Paxton talking, Josh cracks open the door to find Paxton wearing his earmuffs and clearly talking to himself...

Paxton: (amazed) I can't even hear my pee splashing.

Siskel & Ebert

Last weekend when the power was out, we drove all over trying to find something to do with the kids. We finally decided to check out the movies. However when we drove up, the only movie that seemed like it could possibly work was Percy Jackson & The Olympians - The Lightning Thief. We were a little concerned so Josh and I started discussing the movie, and whether or not the kids could sit through a non-animated movie, and more importantly whether or not it was too scary for them. After Josh and I discussed it for a few minutes, Paxton interjected...

Paxton: I was reading in the newspaper this morning that this movie is really good and is NOT too scary for 4-year-olds or 2-year-olds. It's only scary for 3-year-olds.

Josh: Wow, Pax, that's great that it was so specific.

Note: If you have no clue about this movie, here is a link to the preview. http://www.percyjacksonthemovie.com/

Followup: There's a scene in the movie where the 3 heroes go to a garden nursery and look for a pearl but realize Medusa is there. Yesterday as soon as we got to a local nursery to flower shop, Paxton turned to Benjamin and I and said seriously, "Let's split up."

Doing Great Things

Every day in preschool, Paxton's teacher asks a "Question of the Day." Up until now our favorite was "Can you touch your nose with your tongue?" And Paxton was very proud because he can indeed and was the only one able to do so. Well now yesterday's is a particular favorite of mine as well.

Morah Shanna: "Have you done anything important?"

Allie: "I helped my sister Dana."

Joseph: "I saw Laurie Berkner."

Marissa: "I found Daddy's ring."

Paxton: "I checked my email."

(Please note Paxton does not have nor has he ever had email)

Life is short

After staying up til midnight last night (yes midnight...we're terrible parents) both boys were needless to say, exhausted. While watching TV, Benjamin fell asleep in my lap. I moved him to a cradle position and then held him for a bit when Paxton entered the room.

He walked up quietly, kissed Benjamin on the ear, gently pet his hair, looked up at me and said...

"Is he dead?"

Scary Movie

Daddy: Paxton do you want to watch Beauty & the Beast or The Dark Crystal?

Paxton: Actually, I want to see The Dark Crystal.

Mommy: He's not allowed to watch The Dark Crystal!

Daddy: Paxton, Mommy doesn't want to you guys to watch The Dark Crystal. It might be too scary for Benjamin.

Paxton: I'll protect him. I'll cover his eyes during the scary parts.

I'm Innocent I Tell Ya

As Paxton and Benjamin play in the other room we can hear giggling and occasional crying. After Paxton has been reprimanded once for hurting Benjamin (and denying it), the boys continue playing until we hear a bang and Benjamin crying.

Daddy: What happened Benjamin?

Paxton: (running up) I didn't do anything to him...again!

Somone's Getting a Time-Out

After throwing a tantrum because Mommy made fish sticks instead of chicken nuggets...

Paxton: (still in tantrum mode) You're a bad mommy!

Mommy: Why?

Paxton: Because you keep making bad decisions!

It's What Makes the World Go 'Round

For Christmas, Paxton and Benjamin received piggy banks with no withdrawals. That is to say, the kind of piggy bank you have to smash with a hammer to get your money.

This has been explained to Paxton.

The other day, Paxton asked for money so I gave each boy a quarter. I took Benjamin's new piggy bank off the shelf and let him insert the very first quarter. I then shook it so he could hear the coin rattle around inside.

Paxton: Now you can't have the money, Benjamin. If you want it, you have to break it but you should only do that when you're four years old. Or five. Or six. Or if you want a car. Or a piece of candy.

Schools Aren't What They Used to Be

On seeing a beer truck on the way to school...

Benjamin: School Bus!

Paxton: No, Benjamin... that's not a school bus. That's a DRINK bus. It's for special soda.