Little Star

Paxton: I'm a star.

Mommy: Why are you a star, Paxton.

Paxton: Because when I was outside, I was twinkling.

Thank You Max

Mommy: Can I eat your hands?

Paxton: No, I'm going to eat your nose.

(Paxton grabs mommy's nose and devours it making lots of snarling sounds.)

Mommy: Oh no! Where's my nose? What are you going to do with my nose?

Paxton: I'm going to poop it out my butt!

Mommy: Who told you that?

Paxton: Uncle Max.

When Nature Calls...

After an evening of going out for ice cream at a little outdoor place, Paxton follows potty-training protocol.

Paxton: I need to go pee pee.
Mommy: Josh, I don't think there's a bathroom here.
Daddy: I'll take care of it. Come on Paxton.

Minutes pass...

Daddy: OK, Paxton, tell mommy.
Paxton: We took emergency measures.
(Mommy laughing hysterically)
Paxton: I pee peed on a tree!