She ain't Miriam Webster

Gackie babysat the boys today like she does every Friday. When I got home she told me about changing Benjamin's diaper...

Gackie: ... it was a total mess and then I look in the drawer and there were no clean diapers. The box you bought was still downstairs in the kitchen so I had to carry Benjamin downstairs naked and it was a total fiasco.

Joshua: Sorry about that.

Paxton: What's a fiasco?

Gackie: A fiasco is a party where everybody you don't like is invited.

I Thought We Were Done with Potty Training

I received this note from a friend whose daughter goes to Paxton's school and it tickled me. Enjoy:

"I was picking up Miri, who is newly potty trained, so I have her sit on the potty before we leave. At the same time there were two girls changing themselves after accidents, all in that tiny bathroom.

Paxton comes up to the teacher and says he had an accident too and also needs to change but looks dry. At this point he is the only potty trained kid out of the action in the bathroom. She checks him and he is fine.

He then insists on changing anyway because he wants to 'look handsome' when you pick him up."

—Anna Dulin

The Apocalypse

On the way home Paxton and I discussed the family photos that were taken Sunday.

Paxton: We have too many pictures. Who are we going to send them to?

Mommy: Pop Pop and Gigi, Gran and Grandad, Auntie Trudy and Uncle Jay. Who else should we send them to?

Paxton: Can we send some to Gackie?

Mommy: Yes, and who else?

Paxton: I don't know.

Mommy: What about Uncle Max and Aunt Jocelyn?

Paxton: Yeah!

Mommy: Anyone else?

Paxton: Do we know anyone else who isn't a zombie?

The Comedian

Paxton is just lately trying to get the hang of telling jokes. Here are his first 2 attempts.

Attempt #1

Paxton: Why was the 1 afraid of 2?

Daddy: Why?

Paxton: Because the 3 ate 4 all up. Hahahahahahaha!

Attempt #2

Paxton: Knock Knock

Mommy: Who's there?

Paxton: Banana.

Mommy: Banana who?

Paxton: Banana you glad I didn't say orange?

Both wrong...and yet still successful. :)

Changing of the Seasons

Paxton: This morning Daddy's car had frosting on it...because it's almost winter.

The Hacker

Many of you know that Paxton has become very adept at using the computer. He knows how to log out of my account, log into his own typing his password, and navigate to the web browser where nickjr is his homepage and Thomas is a bookmarked page.

We're very proud.

Today we got a package in the mail from Pop Pop and Gigi.

Paxton: Who's this for?

Mommy: Well, what does it say?

Paxton: P-A-X-T-O-N...B-E-N-J-A-M-I-N...hey my last name!

Mommy: So who's names are on it?

Paxton: Me, and Benjamin, and my password!

It Took 4 Years

While cleaning up the family room.

Paxton: Look, picking up blocks isn't so bad.

First Official Benjamin Post...And it's Classy

At this point many of you may have heard my story of Benjamin in the swimming pool a couple weeks ago. He pointed at his booty and said "poopy" and there was indeed poopy in his swimmie diaper. Absolutely disgusting, but I was too overwhelmed by the fact that my 1 year old was telling me this. (Paxton wasn't even doing that back in January).

And so tonight's story begins after the boys' bath...

Benjamin : (grabbing pinga while in the tub) Out!

Mommy: (Overlooking that the previous act could have meant plenty of things) Do you need to go potty, Benjamin?

Benjamin: (nods vigorously)

Mommy: (So excited she practically dances him to the potty and sits him down) Okay, go potty.

Benjamin: (grunts)

*FART*

Benjamin: All done.

I Want A Second Opinion

Months ago, Uncle Maxwell convinced Paxton that all you need to have in order to be a doctor is a shirt with a breast pocket. Paxton will constantly call out anybody with a breast pocket as a doctor and will even announce that HE is a doctor on days that we dress him in a shirt with a pocket...

Today, Paxton is home sick with a fever. He was lying in bed awake when Daddy came home from work.

Daddy: Hi Paxton. How are you feeling?

Paxton: I have to see the doctor.

Daddy: (pointing to his breast pocket) Well guess what? I'm a doctor. Let me check you out. I'm going to look in your nose holes and your mouth hole and your ear holes...

Paxton: I need to see a different doctor.

-Joshua

The Power of Nursery Rhymes

Paxton: Uh-oh...I fell down and broke my crown.

They Might Be Geniuses

It's not a bad word

In the car...

Daddy: (very melodramatic) I missed our turn, now we're all going to die!!!!

Paxton: Why are we all going to die?

Mommy: We're not going to die. Daddy was being silly.

Daddy: Sorry Paxton, I was just making a joke. A very bad joke.

Paxton: That's okay Daddy. "Die" isn't a bad word. It's in the song.

Mommy: What song Paxton?

Paxton: That song. Day-Dayenu

The Power of Healing

After listening to Daddy explain the security alarm this morning, Paxton had this to say...

When the bad guys are in jail they should get a vitamin. Then they'll be gooder and gooder and then they can come to our house whenever they want.

Happy 4th of July

On Independence Day:
Paxton: (singing) Happy Birthday to America!

On Fireworks:
Daddy: They're loud aren't they?
Paxton: (while wearings his earmuffs) I don't like them, but I do.

Daddy Swears He Didn't Say It

While discussing colors in the car...

Mommy: What color is Telly?

Paxton: Dark pink.

Mommy: What color is Benjamin's hair?

Paxton: Brown.

Mommy: What color is your hair?

Paxton: Black.

Mommy: Why is your hair black Paxton?

Paxton: Because Daddy's hair is black. Why is his hair black.

Mommy: I don't know Paxton, why do you think it's black?

Paxton: Daddy says it's black cuz he does dirty things.

Congratulations Aunt Trudy!!

Paxton and Benjamin got a new cousin today. The very first picture came to my camera phone and I showed it to Paxton.


Daddy: Paxton, look! It's a picture of Jacob.

Paxton: Is that a picture inside Trudy's belly?

(The fat jokes end today.)

-Joshua

Trudy's Due Date is Two Weeks Away

(while eating brownies for dessert)

Paxton: Can I have more?

Joshua: No.

Paxton: I want more.

Joshua: Mommy only got one brownie and Daddy only got one brownie and Benjamin only got one brownie, so Paxton gets one brownie.

Paxton: But I want more.

Tracy: Paxton, if you eat more than one, you're going to get big and fat.

Joshua: You don't want to be big and fat, do you?

Paxton: I want to be big and fat.

Tracy: You do?

Paxton: Can I have another brownie so I can be big and fat like Auntie Trudy?

Little Star

Paxton: I'm a star.

Mommy: Why are you a star, Paxton.

Paxton: Because when I was outside, I was twinkling.

Thank You Max

Mommy: Can I eat your hands?

Paxton: No, I'm going to eat your nose.

(Paxton grabs mommy's nose and devours it making lots of snarling sounds.)

Mommy: Oh no! Where's my nose? What are you going to do with my nose?

Paxton: I'm going to poop it out my butt!

Mommy: Who told you that?

Paxton: Uncle Max.

When Nature Calls...

After an evening of going out for ice cream at a little outdoor place, Paxton follows potty-training protocol.

Paxton: I need to go pee pee.
Mommy: Josh, I don't think there's a bathroom here.
Daddy: I'll take care of it. Come on Paxton.

Minutes pass...

Daddy: OK, Paxton, tell mommy.
Paxton: We took emergency measures.
(Mommy laughing hysterically)
Paxton: I pee peed on a tree!

A Lesson in Purim

Paxton: I'm Jewish.

Mommy: Yes Paxton.

Paxton: Haman doesn't like Jewish people.

It took three times for me to realize he was saying Haman and not talking about some kid at school.

Fly Away Home

Mommy: (Pointing at a plant breaking through the soil) Look Paxton...do you see that?

Paxton: Yeah. It has black spots.

Mommy: It does?

Paxton: Yeah. I think it must be a broken ladybug.

Why So Serious?

Chasing Pavement

While trying to navigate the parking lot at Wal-mart , I got audibly frustrated with the other drivers (without the expletives , I promise).

Paxton: What's wrong Mommy?

Mommy: I'm dealing with bad drivers, honey.

Paxton: Why are they bad drivers...cuz they're in your way?

So close to being 100% potty-trained I can almost TASTE it!

Paxton hit the bathroom four times today on his own. "I'm going potty!"

"I'll alert the media!"

Sometime after potty visit 3 or 4, it was Daddy's turn to use the potty. There was a puddle -- a big one -- on the ground next to the toilet.

"Paxton!!!"

I brought Paxton into the bathroom to rub his nose in the puddle. Then, remembering that dogs don't stand on 2 legs and wear T-Shirts that say "Babe Magnet" I decided to try the Appeal-to-Reason approach.

"Paxton, did you have an accident?"

"No."

"Did you make that puddle?"

"No."

"What is it, then?"

"It's water."

"Where did that water come from?"

"My Pinga."

For owning up to his mistake like a man, I gave him a candy bar.

-Joshua

It's good on fries...

Grandad: *cough*

Paxton: Why are you coughing?

Grandad: I have a catch in my throat.

Paxton: Why do you have ketchup in your throat?

Truth-Telling

Paxton: I'm tired.

Mommy: I'm tired too.

Paxton: I'm tired of running around.

Mommy: I'm tired of running around too.

Paxton: No, you're tired of catching me.

On the Paparazzi

Mommy: Tomorrow's picture day Paxton. Are you excited?

Paxton: Yes.

Mommy: Are you going to smile like a good boy?

Paxton: Yeah.

Mommy: Is Benjamin going to smile?

Paxton: No. He can't because he doesn't have a lot of teeth.

Bittersweet

During Gram's funeral, Paxton sat very quietly until he whispered:

Why is no one clapping?

Remembering Lucky

My parents dog Lucky was hit by a car and killed this past weekend. In remembering what a sweet dog he was, I just wanted to post one of my all-time favorite videos of Paxton as he babbled at a young and rambunctious puppy.