Daddy Swears He Didn't Say It

While discussing colors in the car...

Mommy: What color is Telly?

Paxton: Dark pink.

Mommy: What color is Benjamin's hair?

Paxton: Brown.

Mommy: What color is your hair?

Paxton: Black.

Mommy: Why is your hair black Paxton?

Paxton: Because Daddy's hair is black. Why is his hair black.

Mommy: I don't know Paxton, why do you think it's black?

Paxton: Daddy says it's black cuz he does dirty things.

Congratulations Aunt Trudy!!

Paxton and Benjamin got a new cousin today. The very first picture came to my camera phone and I showed it to Paxton.


Daddy: Paxton, look! It's a picture of Jacob.

Paxton: Is that a picture inside Trudy's belly?

(The fat jokes end today.)

-Joshua

Trudy's Due Date is Two Weeks Away

(while eating brownies for dessert)

Paxton: Can I have more?

Joshua: No.

Paxton: I want more.

Joshua: Mommy only got one brownie and Daddy only got one brownie and Benjamin only got one brownie, so Paxton gets one brownie.

Paxton: But I want more.

Tracy: Paxton, if you eat more than one, you're going to get big and fat.

Joshua: You don't want to be big and fat, do you?

Paxton: I want to be big and fat.

Tracy: You do?

Paxton: Can I have another brownie so I can be big and fat like Auntie Trudy?

Little Star

Paxton: I'm a star.

Mommy: Why are you a star, Paxton.

Paxton: Because when I was outside, I was twinkling.

Thank You Max

Mommy: Can I eat your hands?

Paxton: No, I'm going to eat your nose.

(Paxton grabs mommy's nose and devours it making lots of snarling sounds.)

Mommy: Oh no! Where's my nose? What are you going to do with my nose?

Paxton: I'm going to poop it out my butt!

Mommy: Who told you that?

Paxton: Uncle Max.

When Nature Calls...

After an evening of going out for ice cream at a little outdoor place, Paxton follows potty-training protocol.

Paxton: I need to go pee pee.
Mommy: Josh, I don't think there's a bathroom here.
Daddy: I'll take care of it. Come on Paxton.

Minutes pass...

Daddy: OK, Paxton, tell mommy.
Paxton: We took emergency measures.
(Mommy laughing hysterically)
Paxton: I pee peed on a tree!

A Lesson in Purim

Paxton: I'm Jewish.

Mommy: Yes Paxton.

Paxton: Haman doesn't like Jewish people.

It took three times for me to realize he was saying Haman and not talking about some kid at school.